A Guided Tour

Welcome, Glomart shoppers!

Tom Ellis
5 min readJan 4, 2024

Glomart (short for Global Market) is our new planet-sized Mall, formerly known as “Earth,” where you can buy anything you want from anywhere you want, and (with some exceptions) go anywhere you want to go — on credit!

Whereas the old world was divided into thousands of different languages, making communication all but impossible, here in Glomart, everyone speaks English — everyone who is someone, that is.

Let me tell you a bit about the population of Glomart, currently about 8 billion and growing fast. We are divided into four categories: the Owners, the Consumers, the Help, and the others.

The Owners — about the top .01 percent — own everything. They live in well-fortified, super-affluent neighborhoods, well out of sight of everyone, except when they occasionally appear on television. They are fabulously wealthy, and in constant competition with each other to get even wealthier, and they all sit on each other’s Boards of Directors. They are our bosses, our landlords and mortgage holders, our bankers, and we love them because they pay our salaries and rent or sell us our homes. We used to have governments that nobody liked, but the Owners now take care of all that.

The Consumers — that’s me and you, folks — the next 30–40 percent of the population (estimates vary, depending on the country and region). We’re happy. We live in the Suburbs, work hard at the mall or the office, and all have computers, cars or SUVs, cellphones, and televisions. We are free go out after work and on weekends to the local branch of our Glomart Mall. For entertainment, we have TV, movies, YouTube, AI Robots, or video games. What we know, by and large, is what the Owners want us to know — we can have it all at our fingertips on the Web, on Fox News, CNN, and an endless proliferation of “local” newspapers and magazines (all of which, likewise, are owned by the Owners). For exercise, we go to the local Spa or the golf course (if we’re rich enough for the latter, as we all hope to be some day). For those interested in Nature, we have parks with paved walking paths, and zoos where we can see actual wild animals up close. (No, Miss, there aren’t any left outside the zoos; that would be a waste of real-estate).

Yes, sir. You want to know something about the Help? Why? They do what they’re told, stay out of sight, and most don’t even speak English. Yes, of course they get paid, as long as they do a good job and stay out of the way. Unions? No need. We take care of our Help. They have a Right to Work — unless they’re fired. We are doing our best to replace them with robots, which will be more efficient and save labor costs. This, of course, means lower prices for consumers like you!

The others? — well, the less said about them the better. They live in the Inner Cities and the Third World; there are far too many of them, they are often homeless, they are swarming across our borders, they have too many babies, and they fill our prisons. Bleeding Heart Liberals tend to fuss whenever we propose simply to exterminate them, but sooner or later we will prevail. It’s a matter of overcoming all these obsolete 18th Century ideas about “human rights” that keep getting in the way, but old ideas die hard. Never mind; President-For-Life Trump and his son and heir will take care of that!

Oh yes — then there are those pests called “environmentalists” who keep scaring everybody by talking about climate change, deforestation, desertification, topsoil loss, toxic pollutants in the land, air, and water, the fact that birds have disappeared outside of zoos, and that rats are the only wild animals left (but only in the Third World and Inner Cities).

Don’t worry, folks; it’s all tree-hugger nonsense. We have replaced the so-called “woodlands” that these folks used to pine for with fast-growing, genetically engineered tree farms, that are much more efficient for producing wood pulp. Global warming is irrelevant since we all have air-conditioning (except in the Third World and Inner Cities, and they are used to hot weather anyway). And all that useless ex-tundra in the north is being drained for new corporate farms. Those former neighborhoods along the coast that are now underwater are creating new opportunities for waterfront real estate.

Despite what these alarmists squeal about topsoil loss — (90% in the last 50 years), we have wonderful Hydroponic methods for growing genetically engineered fast-growing vegetables as well, and we’re even learning how to synthesize the nutrients. So there’ll be plenty of food from all over the world to fill the shelves at your local Glomart Mega-Market.

Tropical Rainforests? Well, to be sure, they’re long gone, but who needed them anyway? Now that they’re gone, the price of mahogany and other rare woods is skyrocketing. A good stock option.

What was that, Sir? Something the rising cancer rate, especially among children? Of course we are concerned, but everybody dies sooner or later. And with modern medicine, a cure is just around the corner — for those who can afford it.

You are quite right, however, ma’am. Glomart is far from perfect. We need more police, more prisons, less welfare, fewer cumbersome regulations. We plan to relieve the endless traffic jams by building even more highways. And because the oil at the former Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge is running out, we are drilling new fields recently discovered in Siberia, the Arctic Ocean, Antarctica, and the ocean floor (since there are no longer any fish or whales to worry about). And new deposits of natural gas, now opened up by fracking, promise us abundant energy well into the future. Overall, leading economic indicators suggest that prospects are excellent for continued positive, dynamic, economic GROWTH.

Even the steady decline in fresh water and free oxygen is no big problem, folks. Bottled water is for sale everywhere, and soon you’ll be able to buy your own portable liquid-oxygen tank, lifetime guaranteed — on credit. For those who can’t afford water and oxygen…well, that’s one reason we need more police. In a true Market economy, nothing is free.

Oh — and those Gaian eco-terrorists who sneak messages to you, telling you to join their insidious “quiet revolution” — to renounce consumerism, stop watching television, cultivate mindfulness and solidarity with the poor, restore a sense of community, work with each other rather than for the Owners, plant your own organic gardens, stop using pesticides, preserve and restore forests and wetlands, and assume responsibility for the social and ecological consequences of every dollar you earn, spend, and invest — pay them no mind. Our Security Task Force is in the process of hunting them down with AI drones, based on the Facial Recognition digital IDs we have gathered from their cellphones! Oh — and you over there in the green hoodie. Please remove your button that says “Grow Gardens, Grow Community, Grow Awareness” before our Security personnel nab you!



Tom Ellis

I am a retired English professor now living in Oregon, and a life-long environmental activist, Buddhist, and holistic philosopher.