Dear Christie,

I’m sorry your clueless uncle said something as hurtful and insensitive as that. He probably meant well, but he had zero understanding of the emotional vulnerability of sixteen-year-old girls. So I fully understand your resentment.

When I was about that age, I had a friend whose father, while we were driving in his car, turned around jauntily and asked me, “Well, Tom, do you think you’ll ever amount to anything?”

At the time (like most teenage boys) I was struggling with my own self-esteem issues since—unlike the prevailing attitudes of my suburban male culture, I was contemplative and distracted, rather than being aggressive, ambitious, and competitive. And so this man’s sneering comment was like a stab in the heart, even though he really meant nothing to me.

And now, at age 75, after a moderately successful career as an English professor, that sneer still hurts. So I can relate.