I feel your pain, Thomas, truly, as a similarly lifelong lover of “nature” and of our magnificent mother planet, Gaia. (We use mythic names for our other planets so why not for our own as well?) And your rage and despair, like mine, is fully understandable.
As I see it, we each have four choices of attitude, only one of which is adaptive: denial, delusion, despair, or…determination. I choose the latter. To my last breath I vow to grow gardens, grow community, and grow awareness by learning, teaching, healing, and creating…Gaia. It’s all I can do to stay sane as our cancerous civilization goes into its terminal phase, devouring the only living planet we will ever know.