Richard,

I completely understand, and empathize with, your depression. But you have taught me a great deal in your Medium posts, for which I am grateful. I hope, therefore, that you find peace of mind, and the determination you need to keep on sharing your insights and deep understanding with us. This may not help but...when I find myself in a dark place, my first move is to reflect that the present is all there is--the past is just a memory, and the future, just speculation, no matter how predetermined it seems to be. Both, in short are mental formations. Only the present moment has any reality. So as Buddhist teachers often recommend, we need to make friends with impermanence by going back to our breath: breathe, observe, and let go. The first of these injunctions is easy--we all do it, all the time, but when we specifically focus our attention on our breath, we stop thinking--and for cerebral types like both of us, that can actually be healthy! The next step is to observe what is happening, both around us, and within us. Just observe--no need to judge. Let feelings flow through you as they will, observing them. And when you are ready, simply let go of them, and go back to your breath. Try smiling--when you do something magical happens. Normally, when we feel amused or joyful, we smile unconsciously. But after breathing and observing, we can invert that causality, such that a smile actually makes us feel amused (at ourselves) or joyful (at the beauty of whatever we see in the present moment, knowing that both it and we ourselves are impermanent, and that all things must pass--including even our civilization and all life on Earth. May you experience peace in every step, and freedom in every smile...